It seems to me that there's a monstrous difference in some cultural directions and bonds as for the very moment - not of a specific period of time, it might be a normal thing really, which could have happened or can happen in many historic periods. Actually, it has happened a lot of times. So I don't find the point of my subject here a major problem, but it sure do inflict normalities. Its moment feels disastrous, yet the naturality of its separating elements between these cultural bonds, which I tend to talk about, is putting up endless paradoxes into thought. Somehow it's vastly tiring to think about, and I would be happy for a change. A change, where bonds and relations are common to both sides, both sides of the wall co-operating to live together by adapting to each and its own, which to me seems nowadays absent. Because of this issue, I could of course blame the one hell of a cultural side that I have a problem with for a lot of things (let it be constructively said or not), but at the same time I can be lifelongly thankful for that other side's existence. So thanks in advance.

So the reason I'm writing this is because I am of such a cultural group derived from Philippine lands, and the difference that I feel is unnecessarily pulling up a wall between those people that I somehow belong to geographically and my own goings. It's like losing familiarity with the group. Contrastively, they're relationally growing to be both a nuisance at many times, but also a source of life that I am very thankful for. All of this is devastatingly problematic, basically much of the havoc that it causes is the reason for some depressive times throughout this year. I'd also say this has been consuming energy that I practically should have used on studies and other projects, even though the experience of this very situation alone is good. However, the worst thing is that the problem never gets solved. People I know, or might I even say knew within the society group, are disappearing bondly without a formal goodbye. There's by nature also a lot of other sides of this issue that reasons the problem, and I'm sorry to not include those, and I have to say: I'm just discussing the primitive side of it, because the issue itself is of such an ancient time, yet happening in our modern world. Lastly, as said the only way it could work would be the adaptation from both sides. I already tried making some of this, although practically in a very small scale even though I putted my guts to care a lot and tried to accomplish it. Funnily, caring too much might give a social breakdown, just like in small similarites justice do. The only way for me to feel relaxed about this is not giving a damn for a second, which would be giving some spare time. Anyway, the whole situation does reflect some points of the nuisance I have in Filipinos, even though my experience ain't really covering knowing the masses and every individuals real opinions (except the experience of meeting the people in the very beginning which not made me feel like home, ironically), but just some single persons that I have oughted to know. As an resulting example, I hope to hold on to know these people, but I see no normal future in it.

As for the moment, I have achieved nothing compared to what I originally intended to do to save myself from getting too much distance from this Philippine group. Increased motivation would have given much more hope to the resolvation of my goal here, but there are no results that are giving back continuational plans. And, it looks like this lack of motivation is some of the things that are blocking achievements - we stop because of the lack of results. Vicious circle or not, I guess some of the ways to solve such problems of my describings are by continuing the mission of uniting these cultural differences as much as possible, independent of results. It's like having a vision of getting something done - just keep on trying to achieve the goal, but it'll definitely take all of your living time. That's just what we are living for, no?

Nevertheless, I'm experiencing these issues. Mares of situations where I live in harmony with the other cultural side (symbol: MVAV) gives a completely souled nirvana feeling of existence, peaceful consonations. Probably because I've been troubling too much about it - getting an end to it with a good solution would be just like finishing a seven thousand island-sized painting of lime green and blue colours. One day.

Mood: missing my mobile phone charger, about half an hour of time and apparantly something else.
Now listening to: Blackened by Metallica

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Hah, what do you want this site to be.

I'll just put up stuff in time for things to happen here. Also, I feel like putting up random speeches here, not just like before, but this time, perhaps really random. For instance, I need a good English book to read because I'm lacking it somehow.

And as many would feel a situation familiar, I have "plans" to overhaul my little website here which have big words, and that might not happen in quite a while. Typically, I'd say some change of the colours of this website, and perhaps some layout, in the end of the year, just like I did with this green setup (well, now it's brownish but what the heck) just before 2009 kicked in.

Otherwise, I feel quite tired. Things happen constantly, plans everywhere that I actually sometimes put in the trash can because I couldn't reach it. There's a scent of (and it is most often blood when I check it, so probably it's really blood) in my throat every morning and I should probably see a doctor. Though, I do not, because of a hell of a reason. I get tired just by thinking about that part.

In the other hand; what I am to check out is my right knee which is not functioning well right now, which also has been the situation for the last 3 or 4 weeks (I write this a tad too complicated, right) at the school's physiotherapeut. Unfortunately, the doctor has a busy schedule and can't see me until next week. So I'll be halting around until then. Biggest problem is that I can no longer run.

10.30 pm. Time for more homework? Where's the limit...

Mood: Questionable tiredness, questionable diagnostic.
Now listening to: Change of Life by Stanley Clarke, Al Di Meola and Jean-Luc Ponty

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